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Homestuck by Tedelwou


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Submitted on
April 11, 2011
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▲: my name is dave and i wish i was as cool as that john egbert guy!
▲: hehehe
▼: the giggling gave you away bro
▲: aww man
▼: try again next time
▲: is this dave?
▼: no this is john egderp cant you tell by how dorky i am
▲: what? nooo that's not me!
▼: youre right youre more like
▼: derp derp! derp!
▲: no way, i'm definitely cooler than that!
▼: yeah with your crush on nic cage
▲: no way you just don't understand
▲: it's deeper than a crush
▲: but in a no homo way
▼: shit bro how is that supposed to be taken in a no homo way
▲: see you just don't understand!!!
▼: alright calm yourself egbert
▲: fine fine
▼: just some teasing thats all
▼: its not like i think you want to make out with the guy
▲: oh nooo!
▲: that would be so creepy
▼: it would be creepy for anyone
▼: since nic cage is creepy
▲: he's not creepy!
▲: he's just misunderstoof.
▲: *misunderstoof
▲: uh
▲: ignore that double typo
▼: pfft smooth
▲: it happens!
▲: even to you i bet!
▼: only in the most ironic of ways
▲: hehehe, you and your irony.
▼: it is me
▲: you're so ironic it's crazy!
▼: you wish you could be as ironic as me
▲: oh man i don't think i could handle that!
▼: poor egbert
▼: doomed to be a dork forever
▲: i am not a dork!
▼: uh huh sure
▲: come on what will it take for me to change your mind?
▼: im pretty sure it cant be changed bro
▼: you are the dork
▲: you sure?
▼: yep
▲: that's not fair at all!
▲: let's talk about something else, i don't like this topic anymore.
▼: alright what are you up to
▲: umm, nothing really
▲: in fact i'm so bored!
▼: then why not do something
▲: like what though?
▼: talk to me
▼: the best thing to do
▲: well yeah but what about?
▼: you really have nothing to talk about
▲: well wouldn't it be ironic for you to start a conversation for once?
▲: so you should do it!
▼: if i tease you youll start flipping out again
▲: i never said you should tease me!
▲: teasing is never fun or cool!!!
▼: that is where we disagree
▲: how is teasing fun?
▼: you react hilariously
▲: it's not fun for me...
▼: does it really bother you that much
▲: no.
▲: well.
▲: kinda.
▼: why
▲: if i say you'll tease me even more!
▼: well shit then we have a problem dont we
▲: i'll say.
▼: so what do we do
▲: how about we...i got nothing
▲: come on take the lead!
▼: well bro you can let me tease you more or you can tell me whats up
▲: alright!
▲: umm...
▼: well
▲: i will tell you exactly what is up!
▼: go on
▲: i am sitting...at my computer...reading your text!
▲: hehe
▼: wow
▼: exciting
▲: i sense some sarcasm!
▼: sorry guess rose has sunk her claws into me
▲: oh no!
▲: now you will be all grimdark!
▼: woe is me
▲: aww don't be all grimdark.
▲: that's not cool!
▲: and you...you're cool!
▼: i cant help it shes in my brain
▼: psychoanalyzing me
▲: i would save you but, i know if you try hard enough you can save yourself! hehe
▼: what you arent going to come to my rescue
▼: i am hurt
▲: sorry but you don't seem like the damsel in distress kinda guy.
▼: how rude
▲: man that would be so awkward if you were the damsel in distress and i had to save you!
▲: that's just not you.
▼: i guess even i cant pretend something weird like that
▼: im more the knight type after all
▲: hehe yeah.
▲: then what does that make me?
▼: the jester
▲: i can see that!
▼: rose is the evil witch of course
▲: and jade?
▼: jade is probably a goofy fairy or some shit
▲: then who is the damsel in distress that needs saving from her knight in shining armor?
▼: good question
▲: hmm.
▼: i guess you could be the jester in distress
▲: aww dave! why me?
▼: jade knows how to use a rifle thats why
▲: damn you jade!
▼: poor john
▲: poor me!
▼: youll probably be fine just give rose cake or something
▼: tell her not to eat you
▲: she wouldn't eat me!
▲: ...would she?
▼: she might
▼: you probably taste like cake anyway
▲: ugh i probably do! i've had so much cake forced down my throat throughout my life!
▼: you are the only kid i know who hates cake
▲: when you've had as much as cake as i have!
▲: i can't even imagine liking cake anymore...
▼: that is actually kind of terrible
▲: it is not!
▼: what do you even do on your birthday
▲: i tell dad no more cake! but he doesn't listen!
▲: so we have an epic battle!
▼: that is the weirdest shit ive ever heard
▲: i'm probably made of cake!
▼: not the worst fate
▲: it is to me!
▲: i'm made of cake! people might eat me!
▼: watch yourself john
▼: you poor delicious boy
▲: no homo!!!
▼: mind in the gutter
▲: well...shut up!
▲: i just
▲: damn it!
▼: whoa okay sorry
▼: calm down
▲: i am calm!
▼: that sounded pretty un calm to me
▲: you just called me delicious!
▼: and
▲: that's...that could be taken as an advance!
▼: only if you take it that way
▼: you were the one saying youre made out of cake
▲: oh man i guess you're right
▲: ugh this is embarassing!
▼: dont worry about it
▲: alright.
▼: im used to you doing derpy stuff like that
▲: i'm not sure if that's comforting!
▼: look are you uptight about something
▲: what do you mean?
▼: you seem kind of uptight
▲: about what?
▼: i dont know im just saying
▲: well i'm perfectly normal!
▼: and yet you wont let me tease you
▲: well teasing is just rude!
▼: its what i do
▲: do you ever not tease?
▼: nope
▲: dave, teasing isn't good! it gets people frustrated!
▼: so
▼: thats kind of the point
▲: yeah but frustration is...well...frustrating!
▲: i am frustrated dave!
▼: well no shit i couldnt tell
▲: D:
▼: john look is something wrong or what
▲: i'm fine!
▲: honest!
▲: i swear!
▼: i dont believe you but okay
▲: okay.
▼: yeah so
▲: so...
▼: guess ill be going then
▲: wait...dave...
▼: what
▲: something is wrong.
▼: no kidding
▲: can we talk? as in bro to bro status?
▼: do you really have to ask
▲: ugh alright.
▲: here it goes.
▼: go for it
▲: so...i know i always say no homo but...i'm not so sure...and it's really been making me paranoid!
▼: so you are attracted to men
▲: well...er...yeah.
▼: oh
▲: and...more specifically...
▲: you dave...
▼: ...me
▲: yeah...
▼: i see
▲: oh god i made things really awkward i never should have said anything!
▼: calm down okay
▲: sorry it's just all kind of intense now!
▼: yeah i guess it is
▲: i understand if you don't feel the same way...
▲: just spare me the embarrassment and let me down easy ok?
▼: honestly john
▼: ive kind of liked you for a long time
The other user has left
Stereotypical Dave/John convo.

NO HOMO?
REALLY?
OK MAYBE. FOR YOU.
I LIKE YOU TOO.

John: Me
Dave: ?
Add a Comment:
 
:iconrougetrooper723:
RougeTrooper723 Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
A third user has connected somehow.
^: HA. NICE JOB.
Third user has left.
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:iconmrstomlinson214:
MrsTomlinson214 Featured By Owner Jun 8, 2013  Student Writer
Pfft John the no-homos are LIIIIES
Reply
:iconenjaru-chan:
Enjaru-chan Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
i need dave too!!!
Reply
:iconlucimolina:
lucimolina Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
the triangles threw me off but it was very cute. :heart:
Reply
:iconstar--catchers:
STAR--CATCHERS Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012
NO HOME!? LIES!!! ALL LIES!!!! XD i LOVE this pairing!
Reply
:iconninagarnet:
ninagarnet Featured By Owner Apr 9, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
DOH DAT WAS ADORABLE!!
Reply
:iconisabellahunter:
IsabellaHunter Featured By Owner Dec 17, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I don't normally go after this pairing but it was cute. :)
Reply
:iconabi-tea:
Abi-Tea Featured By Owner May 18, 2011
D'aawwww. I enjoy'd it.

NO HOMO.
YES HOMO. YES, VERY HOMO.

:D
Reply
:iconrukietukie:
RukieTukie Featured By Owner May 18, 2011
ALL THE HOMO.
ALL OF IT.
Reply
:iconemozemu:
emozemu Featured By Owner May 8, 2011
XDDDDD THIS IS EQUAL TO <3 <3 <3
Reply
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